Parenting is hard and I mean Hard.

Amelia was born in March 2015 and is turning 3 in a couple of weeks. I cannot and will not accept how fast the time flies. She was and still is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and turning into a young child every nearing day. Just because I love her so dearly doesn’t mean that she isn’t also my worst nightmare at times.

Long gone have the days where I could put my child down and know that she would stay there, to me I think the easiest days of my life where from the age of new born to 1. When you give birth to a child you still have the make belief that you will have enough sleep to function as a normal human being. You start to question what sleep is, have I slept or did I just daydream it? It takes time and patience to get into a routine and sometimes you can find yourself still trying to get into a routine years down the line.

I often wonder, am I responsible enough to show this child right from wrong? Am I doing a good job? It’s a constant feeling that nags you from inside out. My answer to that is if you think these questions then yes you are! Those questions show that you care a lot for your child that you hope you are doing right by them. Yes care does not put food on the table or wash all of your clothes but it means you are doing and trying your best. That’s all you can do in the end.

Being a parent has showed me that my parents are wonderful people. I also apologise for being a beast of a child. I understand how hard it was from them to raise me and my brother. I realise how hard it was to get everything done with a child underneath your feet all the time. I could never be more grateful for the love, care and support they have gave to me and her.

My daughter is like a sponge, a very annoying sponge, she repeats herself constantly talks about stuff that half the time I don’t give a crap about. She has speech problems and this can be very frustrating for the both of us a lot of the time. Sometimes I want to change my name as I feel the word ‘mum’ gives me a headache. Sometimes it is too much and I can lose my patience there’s only so many times you can say ‘Eat your food’, ‘Put that down’, ‘don’t run’ and my personal favourite ‘Go to sleep NOW’!

She is going through potty training which is stressful, I don’t know how many times I have to ask my daughter about her bladder or bowels. I’m sick of asking the dog to stop trying to drink out of the potty. Come on dog get your act together.

Besides the general life struggles no one tells you how hard it is to raise a child into a decent human being. You want them to know right from wrong. You want them to grow up to be polite, respectful and happy. Every action you make impacts there life, absolutely everything you say and do will affect them as a human. No one and nothing can prepare you for that responsibility.

Amelia is beautiful, smart, funny and creative. She is everything I could want from a child, her laugh may be annoying to you but its music to my ears. Her smile can make mine 1000 times bigger. She has the biggest heart I have ever seen and I know that we have a special unbreakable bond. We may get mad and upset occasionally but there are ups to our falls. She will remain my greatest weakness but also my greatest accomplishment. She will always be my forever love.

Amelia 35mm Film October 2016

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