Confronting my feelings about Anxiety

So the other month I wrote a post about Mental Health, I’d like to elaborate more on the subject talking about Anxiety specifically.

There are a lot of advice pages about anxiety, on the internet. Some of them are fantastic, but I feel like there are not very many first-hand experiences written about it online. I’ve chosen to write about my own personal experience to attempt to help some people have the ability to talk about it more openly. And I also hope I can shed some light on the subject for people who are not experiencing it.

This post is very very hard for me to write and I’ve probably shed more tears than I would have liked to whilst I wrote this.

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I realize now looking back that I have suffered from this condition a lot longer than I thought I have had. I do not remember my first ever experience but I do remember the moment I realized it had affected my day to day life.

I feel like a complete failure to my family and friends.

I can not explain how this feeling feels. I feel as if I am constantly letting down the people that I love. I don’t always get to visit them or go out with them and I’m constantly turning down opportunities.
I have FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out. It is a real thing. I hate having to miss out on things because of this.

For a long time, I’ve just been surviving and not living.

By this I mean, I spend so much of my time just trying to survive my anxiety and not go out and face it. I don’t live a normal life like anyone else. I spend most of my time at home, and it’s a good day for me if I manage to leave my house at all. Even if it is just to the shop, park or local coffee shop.

I feel like people don’t understand what I am dealing with.

It’s so hard to try and explain how I feel. Every time I think my life has gotten significantly better someone has to remind me that I’m still not doing too well. ‘Well, you still haven’t done this’ and ‘You still haven’t come here.’ These are the word’s that haunt me and make me feel like I am failing them.

Nobody punishes me more than myself.

I am the one who has to live like this and whilst it might affect the other people around me, I am the sufferer. It is MY life. It may not be brilliant but I am glad I am alive. I love living.

Losing my dog really didn’t help.

Last month I lost my 10-year old Siberian Husky, she was one of the best things in my life. My family of four just became three. Some people don’t understand that she wasn’t just my dog, she was my best friend. The other day, I had my very first panic attack since losing her. The only thing I wanted, in that exact moment, was the cuddle of my best friend. That was the hardest.
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I still have hope.

I know that one day, I will be able to return to the life I had before this horrible condition consumed me and my life. It is going to be a long and hard journey. It will not be an easy fix, but when I do recover I owe the people who have stood by me. The ones that have supported me and not pushed me or made me feel bad for being this way. I love those people more than anything.
I hope this post helped some of you understand that it is okay to be suffering from anxiety and very important to remember that you are living, although your life may not be as fulfilling as other people’s it is about appreciating the small things no matter how insignificant they may be.
Until next time, have a fantastic day.
You can also read my Guest Blog post over at Gratisoul about my Inspiring woman here.

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Hello, I'm a young passionate writer and professional photographer from the North West of England. I am new to Wordpress this is my first ever blog. I look forward to speaking and making friends with like minded people.

17 thoughts on “Confronting my feelings about Anxiety

  1. Too many people need to familiarise themselves with mental health illnesses. I commend you for opening up. You make a world a different place.

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  2. I appreciate your honesty. I, too, have anxiety and manage it every day. It used to dominate my life (as in my entire life), and thankfully that’s no longer the case, but it can easily catch me off guard if I’m not mindful.

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  3. Hi, I just stumbled across you on Instagram and wanted to tell you how much I admire your honesty. I’ve had crippling anxiety in the past and (mostly) come out the other side, but it’s hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced it (which isn’t that many people from what I gather!) Just some good vibes from a stranger on the internet 😁

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    1. Thank you so much! It’s so kind of you to let me know! Yeah, it is difficult to explain to the people around you how it feels, I will be sharing some more open posts like this, hoping it will help some people understand and some people to open up! So glad to hear you were able to pick yourself back up!

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  4. I love how open and honest this post was. I suffer with anxiety and some other mental health problems, when my anxiety takes hold it actually feels like I’m frozen. Like you said it’s a good day if I can also make it out the house, I avoid peak times at places and very hardly go to the shops alone. Sending you a virtual hug x

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  5. I love how open and honest this post was. I suffer with anxiety and some other mental health problems, when my anxiety takes hold it actually feels like I’m frozen. Like you said it’s a good day if I can also make it out the house, I avoid peak times at places and very hardly go to the shops alone. Sending you a virtual hug x

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  6. Thank you for writing this. I suffer from social anxiety, pretty severe many days, but i am very functioning and many people probably don’t even know. I have been meaning to write a post about it but too afraid to “out” myself to people at work and such, so instead, i have just written posts on anxiety. I suffer from both generalized anxiety and social, so I could relate to this post so hard. And this isn’t exactly the same as your recent loss of your dog…but I finally moved out on my own at 27 and had to leave my 2 dogs whom I love terribly at home with my mom. Although she is only a half hour away, I miss them very badly some days and am just sad. I’m so sorry for your loss!!!

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    1. Thank you, I’m so glad that you are able to write freely about your anxiety, hopefully one day you will be able to talk openly about it too! I had a friend who had something similar when she moved, sometimes I think that’s worse when you are away from then but because of distance, I hope you still see them often xx

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